My 3 C’s for Handling Conflict

We usually know about those kids before they ever step foot in your classroom. For better or worse, teachers talk. That means that when Sid from Toy Story is slotted in your third period, you are already ready for the battles by the first day. This sucks because conflict can do a lot of damage to classroom community. As a result, I am always proactive at the start of the school year to build relationships with my hardest kids. How do I do that?

• Week 1: I find something to love about the kid and then CALL HOME.

  • I know. Finding something to love can sometimes be easier said than done! However, it pays dividends. Maybe this kid completely sways the class conversation off-topic constantly-sounds like leadership skills! Are they a class clown? What a great sense of humor! Are they defiant? What a strong personality, that could take them places! After you have found that “great” thing, call home and touch base with their parents, and tell them how much you enjoy that quality in their child. Make a positive connection. That way, when they hear from you later, they have already had a positive interaction with them, and they are less likely to think you are just picking on their child. It also helps establish a relationship with that student because they hear about the positive phone call.

So you are trying super hard, but that kid is still a hot mess express. A lot of teachers send the kids to the office, but I do everything I can to avoid sending kids to the office. Know why? It damages the classroom culture and doesn’t solve the real problem. It kicks the behavior can down the road. However, you can’t do nothing-so here’s what I do instead:

• The 3 C’s of Resolving Conflict!

  • Care

    • Pull your student out of the public situation. This helps them from feeling like they will be embarrassed. Wait until you can talk one on one (I like to pull into the hallway or keep kids after). I always start off the conversation by confirming that I care about them, their education, and their future. We may think it’s obvious, but it helps that they hear it!

  • Connect

    • Talk to them about what is going on with their lives. “Are you ok?” "This isn’t like you.” “I want to help” are great ways to start a conversation in a non-confrontational way. This allows them to open up and connect with you on a more meaningful level.

  • Collaborate

    • Establish that whatever behavior it was, it isn’t helpful for their learning or anyone else’s learning. Ask them to share their ideas for how you can work together to enable them to reach their goals. Make them part of the conversation. Asking things like, “How can I help you?” “Do you need to take a walk?” “What kind of learner are you” helps them consider their behavior and be more invested in the outcome.

Although these are simple steps, they have completely changed the way my “tough” conversations with kids go. The “Sids” of the world are often my favorites by the end of the year.

Try out the 3 Cs, and tell me how it goes!